The last few months have been quite the rollercoaster...I feel like I've been through a hurricane, blizzard and on a rollercoaster all at once. A little overwhelming to say the least.
The Hurricane: EMMA. Need I say anything else? She has graduated from Nursery and is now a full-fledged SUNBEAM! And every day I am shocked and amazed to hear her say and do new things that she's learned, like taking pictures with the digital camera....That post to come soon!
Anyway, I'd been hearing on the news that we'd get something like 5 inches of snow for Christmas, and I kept thinking..."Yeah right! I'll believe it when I see it! We don't get snow here in Oklahoma, we get ICE."
Well, sure enough, we got ice, but MAN! We got about a foot of snow! People were having to leave their cars stranded in the middle of the road because it was coming down so fast. And I have to admit that Matt, Emma and I were among the few crazies that went out and and to Wal-Mart for a few last minute snack items...But we went out in a four-wheel-drive truck. It made it a little easier.
Luckily enough for us, our power stayed on through the whole storm and the two weeks of negative (with wind chill factors) degree weather and very high winds. (A side note: the weather here for the next week: high fifties to mid-sixties!!! Crazy Oklahoma weather!)
The Rollercoaster: November 1 we found out we were pregnant...about 6 or 7 weeks later, on December 15th, found out we had miscarried. Ten days before Christmas. That wasn't plesant. December 16th was my surgery to "take care of it" (sounds so horrible and evil maffia-ish).
The next few weeks were, obviously, a trial. Trying to figure out how to make it through the day, trying to figure out how to get out of bed and trying to "be strong" because I had a child that needed her mama and needed to be taken care of too. And the hardest part of all, trying not to be insanely jealous and downright irritated and mad at alot of women around me that are pregnant. It's nothing personal...it's just the situation. It's just how my irrational grief is playing out for now.
I NEVER want to go through a miscarriage again...EVER.
I read another blogger's story recently and it helped. I really liked the first few paragraphs of her blog...
"There are some words in our Englis language that I would like to delete; some are just ignorant and some are hurtful and some just don't seem to be adequate for the definition they've been assigned.
One of those words is "Miscarriage."
It seems to imply that there is a party at fault; a finger of blame as though one has been careless in what they were "carrying"."
I recommend this if you know someone who's been through this, or you've been through this yourself...
Until next time...!
Sorry this is a very delayed comment - i never read blogs anymore.... but i have been thinking a lot about you lately and hope you are doing okay. Let me know if you ever want to come over for a play date! =o)
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